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Tragic News from Yesterday

THE BLOG 

12/27/2015 09:17 pm ET Updated Dec 26, 2016

Santa Claus Shot and Killed in Home Invasion

Breaking News: Santa Claus, of unknown age, was shot and killed by home owner, Jack Koff, 41, for allegedly breaking into and entering his residence at 007 Patriarchy Lane without authorization. The deceased was found wearing a bright red cap and full-body microfiber suit with white piping around the collar, sleeves, and pant legs. He also sported a full white beard and bushy eyebrows.
Though no weapon was found at the scene, tossed near the bullet-riddled body was a large canvas bag filled with brightly colored wrapped packages. Police department evidence officials later discovered that the boxes were filled with children’s toys.
According to police Lieutenant Justin Tyme, “We have clear indication that Mr. Claus penetrated the home by shimmying down the chimney. We believe this because his clothing contained large amounts of ash and grime.”
Responding to reporters’ questions on the porch of his home, Koff stated that around 3:00 a.m. on the morning of December 25, while he and his wife and three lovely children were asleep on the second floor of their residence, he was startled out of a deep sleep by the apparent sounds of a pack of animals walking across the roof. Fearing a home invasion, Koff took his AK-47 rifle from his bedroom closet and walked slowly and silently down the stairs. As he reached the living room, he saw the image of an intruder exiting the fireplace.
“I took aim and fired a number of rounds into the guy,” said Koff. “I have three young kids, and I’m not going to let some pansy pervert come into my home.”
The town coroner, Helen A. Basket, determined that Clause died instantly with numerous bullet wounds to the head and upper back with one puncturing his heart. At a press conference held later in the day, Police Chief Reed Mylipps indicated that while the incident is still under investigation, at this point his department does not intend to press charges against Mr. Koff since it appears to be a case of justifiable homicide.
Claus leaves behind a wife, nine flying reindeer — one with a bright red nose — and a gaggle of elves. The coroner’s office shipped the body back to his home at the North Pole where Ms. Claus will bury him on New Year’s Day in a private ceremony.
This is the second incidence of the shooting deaths of home invaders on Patriarchy Lane in just the last three days. On Tuesday, home owner Lance Boyle killed M&M Red and M&M Green as they filled bowls around his house with what appeared to be sweet chocolate centers — some which included peanuts — surrounded by hard candy shells. Boyle splattered Red and Green’s little bodies on the walls and ceiling of his living and dining rooms leaving nothing for the coroner to autopsy.
Addressing the public during a nationally televised speech today, Wayne La Schmuck, spokesperson for the Nationalist Rifle Association, asserted:
“The justifiable shootings of Claus, and M&M Red and Green prove our point when we rightfully argue that ‘The only thing that blows away a bad dude with or without a gun is a good dude with a gun’!”
La Schmuck urged the relatively few home and apartment dwellers who have not already purchased at least one hand gun, one hunting rifle, and one semi-automatic firearm to run to the gun stores and buy them soon. He reminded parents that weapons not only save lives, but firearms also provide great ways to bond with their children.
“There’s nothing greater than pulverizing paper and clay targets on the shooting range with your kids on the weekends,” he said. “This is real quality time.”
The United States ranks number 1 of 178 countries researched in 2014 for the highest rate of firearms with 112.6 per 100 residents, with Serbia coming in a distant second at 69.7, Yemen third at 54.8, and Switzerland forth at 45.7. On “Black Friday” after Thanksgiving 2015, requests for firearms background checks reached historic proportions with over 185 thousand on this single day.
According to La Schmuck, “Keep up the great work America
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When the Kids start to doubt Santa Claus

Just remember the Truth will make you free!
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or

My Son, The Early Years! He is a Divorce Lawyer now. If you are interested in getting a nasty divorce over real quick. Send me a comment. He is always looking for work.
Grumpy
 

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N.S.F.W. Well I thought it was funny!

meanwhile in japan

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What I NEVER want for Christmas!

rusty pipe
After finishing High School, The Army, College, Other jobs & 24 years of Teaching in Juvenile Hall.
This “gift” will guarantee some extreme Anti-Social Behavior on my part for some reason!
Grumpy
PS I will however accept this instead for safe keeping. If you have a spare or two.
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This is a major hint!

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Well I thought it was funny!

Some Ideas for the Xmas Menu

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Now let us say that you either do not have any ideas on what to make for the Great Day Tomorrow. Or if say you were cleaning your gun and it went off accidentally.  After some hoofed vandal trashes your roof.
I  say that a 300 H&H would do a right proper job. That is if someone were to ask me on this matter.
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Here is something for you to consider.

Cooking Reindeer – Reindeer Fillet With Savoy Cabbage & Potato Cake

Reindeer Fillet
In this country we tend to think it rather unsporting to eat the earthly representatives of Santa’s crew, but in Scandinavia it’s farmed and tucked into with relish. It’s tasty, cooks quickly, holds a wine sauce to perfection and deserves your best reds to accompany it.
The most straight forward approach to reindeer is to pretend it’s prime fillet of venison or beef and either fry it as steaks or medallions or roast it quickly in one piece. An optional overnight bath in a combination of wine, juniper berries and winter herbs adds a luxurious touch to the dark leanness of the meat and forms the basis of a good red wine sauce.
Alternatively, the authentic Swedish recipe below dispenses with the marinade and involves a good, hot searing followed by ten minutes in a lowish oven and results in rare, juicy meat which can be adapted to all kinds of sauces and garnishes. As it stands it’s a sophisticated, restaurant-quality dish with a big wow-factor, but it can easily be simplified for a quieter occasion.
You might, for instance, use red wine instead of port, sprouts instead of cabbage and instead of the potato cake, roasties or indulgent Janssons Temptation (see Scandi Noir, the November Food For Thought piece). And why not look to the nearer North for a starter of Yorkshire pudding, suffused with some of the sauce?
Note: If Rudolf really is out of bounds, rare-breed farmer and ace winemaker David Hohnen of Margaret River winery McHenry Hohnen makes the excellent suggestion that Scottish-farmed roe or red deer is an excellent alternative, grazing, as he says on much the same ‘sub Arctic fodder’ that makes reindeer meat taste so wild and aromatic. Either way, you’ll find his Rocky Road Zinfandel a terrific match.
Janet Wynne Evans

REINDEER FILLET WITH SAVOY CABBAGE AND POTATO CAKE

serves 4
The source of this recipe is Det Svenska Matåret (The Swedish Food Year),compiled by Sweden’s National Chef Team, in collaboration with Tore Wretman, a leading authority on Swedish cuisine. Swedish speakers can order a copy online here.

Ingredients

  • 800g outer fillet of reindeer trimmed of any sinew or fat (reserve the trimmings)
  • 2 tbsp butter
  • ½ tsp salt
  • 1 pinch of freshly ground black pepper

For the sauce

  • 10 button mushrooms – about 100g
  • 1 garlic clove
  • 1 tbsp oil
  • 25g cubed carrot
  • 25g cubed celeriac
  • 25g chopped onion
  • 25g chopped leek
  • 3 tbsp port
  • 1 tsp tomato purée
  • 500 ml good beef stock
  • 1 sprig thyme or a pinch dried thyme
  • Salt and pepper
  • 1 tsp arrowroot (you may not need it)

Vegetables

  • 1 small Savoy cabbage
  • 2 large carrots – about 200g
  • 1 daikon/large white radish – about

For the potato cake

  • 400g potatoes
  • 3 tbsp clarified butter
  • ½ tsp salt
  • 1 pinch pepper
  • 200ml gruyere cheese

Method

The Sauce

  • Chop the mushrooms roughly and the garlic finely.
  • Brown both in the oil with the reserved sinew and fat from the reindeer, celeriac, carrot, onion and leek.
  • Add the port and reduce until nearly completely dry.
  • Stir in the tomato puree and the stock. Let it boil and skim off the top
  • Add the herbs and season.
  • Simmer gently until reduced to about 300ml.
  • Strain, and if it feels too thin, thicken with the arrowroot, dissolved in a little water. Season again, to taste.

The Potato Cake

  • Heat the oven to 175°C/350°F/Gas 4
  • Peel the potatoes and cut into 1mm slices. Turn and coat them in the clarified butter and season them. Butter a round ovenproof dish and lay the potato slices in the dish overlapping each other. Cover each layer with some of the cheese. Finish with a layer of cheese. Bake for 50 minutes.
  • Reduce the oven temperature to 150°C/300°F/Gas 2
  • Loosen the cake by running a palette knife around the circumference and turn it out by inverting a serving plate over the dish and flipping the whole thing upside-down. Cut into slices and keep warm.

The Vegetables

  • Detach 12 nice looking savoy leaves and blanch them. Cool immediately in iced water to stop the cooking and fix the colour.
  • Peel the carrots and daikon and cut into long thin strips, about 1cm wide, to resemble pasta ribbons. Boil in lightly salted water until soft, and drain.

The Meat

  • Heat the butter in an ovenproof pan, and brown the fillet really well on all sides. Season well with salt and pepper.
  • Transfer the reindeer fillet to the oven and roast for 10 minutes. Cover it with foil and let it rest.
  • In a shallow pan, melt the butter and cook the prepared savoy cabbage, then the carrot and daikon ribbons until just tender-crisp.
  • Let the reindeer rest a few minutes before carving on the diagonal into thick medallions.
  • Place the reindeer on the savoy cabbage and pour over the sauce. Add a slice of potato cake to each plate and garnish with the vegetable ribbons.

Recipe to go with Red Nose Day – Food for Thought: SocietyNews December 2013

Members’ Comments (1)

“A very good recipe. The meat was extremely tender.
For the sauce, I used half red wine and half stock and the result was fantastic.
Potato cakes were very rich and went well with the meat.
If you can find reindeer meet this is well worth the effort. We bought ours frozen and vacuum packed on a short trip to Oslo.
Have not found a UK supplier for reindeer filet so far.”

Mr David Barr (29-Sep-2016)

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