Darwin would of approved of this! Archives - You Will Shoot Your Eye Out

So he brought a set of brass knuckles to a gunfight

From Splendid Isolation:

If you’re anything like me, you’ll be wanting a cigarette after reading this lovely little story — even if like me you don’t smoke.

An intruder who used brass knuckles to beat against a front door and break a window just before midnight Friday in Missouri was shot multiple times by the homeowner and killed.

KFVS 12 reported that the homeowner, Austin Glastetter, was in the house with his wife at the time of the incident.

Glastetter told the suspect, 31-year-old John Fisher, that he was armed, but Fisher allegedly responded by saying, “You’ll have to kill me.”

Wait, wait, hold it in for just a minute…

Glastetter then shot Fisher multiple times.

And:

The Scott County Sheriff’s Office issued a release noting that deputies arrived on the scene to find Fisher deceased.

Smoke ’em if you got ’em…

It’s getting to the accident scene really quickly.

What I call a serious contender for a Darwin Award 1st Class

Tourists go over San Francisco cliff trying to retrieve a lost cell phone By Katie Dowd

Two tourists had to be rescued from Lands End Trail in San Francisco on June 7, 2025. San Francisco Fire Department

Two tourists visiting San Francisco made a misguided decision on Saturday afternoon, resulting in a cliff rescue and a ticket from the U.S. Park Police.

The visitors were walking along the Lands End Trail between Mile Rock Beach and Deadman’s Point when one of them accidentally dropped his phone over the cliff. The tourists decided they would try to slide down the cliff’s edge and grab the cell phone, but both became stuck and were unable to climb back up.

At around 3:30 p.m., they called for help and firefighters from the cliff rescue and heavy rescue units arrived on scene. Video posted by the fire department showed the tourists being outfitted in helmets and harnesses, then helped up the cliffside via rope. The entire process took over an hour, fire officials said.

“Fortunately nobody was hurt,” the fire department wrote on Instagram. The tourists were visiting from Seattle.

Lands End Trail is part of the Golden Gate National Recreation Area, which means the tourists’ misadventure also constituted going off-trail on national park land. The fire department said they were issued tickets by park police; the fine could be as high as $300 per person.