Month: March 2024
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Marlin, we try harder!
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A Ruger Mk IV in caliber 22 LR
Naomi Jakins
@JakinsNaomi
TEXAS CAUTION: In regard to all the people wanting to move here from New York and California as well as many other heavily populated cities across the country, as well as those wanting to visit…
Before you come to Texas to visit you must be aware of what is happening here. Especially, around the rural and well, All of TEXAS There’s a housing shortage, rent has tripled, and folks are vacationing here in record numbers…
So, if you plan on moving here, or just plan on vacationing in our river bottoms, hill country, mountains or lakes this summer, I think you should know that wolf spiders, fire ants and bedbugs have infested hotels and motels across the area due to dryer than usual weather.
The woods will eat you alive with ticks and chiggers. On the Texas Coast, Bull Sharks are bigger than Jaws & way more aggressive. The Beaches are overrun with Portuguese Man of War Jelly Fish & the Sting Rays are as big as a Volkswagen Beetle.
Our lakes are full of gators, freshwater sharks, and creepy old guys wearing speedos. Our rivers are full of drunks in tubes peeing themselves while the banjo players lay waiting in the bushes.
Texas Mountain Lions have eaten many domesticated animals and possibly some small children. The local bear and coyote population are all ‘in heat’ and think your wife/girlfriend is hot.
Snakes… don’t even get me started on the water headed copper moccasins here, and the Diamond Back Rattler Cobras. The poison ivy has overtaken all other vegetation.
We have had bear sightings at every park and town and they are after your picnic baskets….and some cougars have been spotted in motel rooms and bars.
Watch out for the jackalopes, they have been extremely aggressive this season. We have the Skunk Ape invading our parks and it’s their mating season. Porcupines are “stabbing” small children should they dare to utilize the local playground equipment.
Skunks have made their way over and multiplied at unprecedented rates and wander the local campgrounds in packs looking for beer. Murder hornets!?! We’ve got great black clouds of murder hornets, and swarms of giant crickets and even some Oklahoma grasshoppers.
Scorpions have now migrated here and have been congregating in massive quantities under rocks, logs, wooden steps, automobiles, and tarantulas are now stealing peoples food and biting like crazy.
I’m pretty sure all private tiger owners (we had a jump in them after Tiger King) have released their cats into the streets of our cities and towns. Head lice now fly and we have vampire bats. Oh, and no one is vaccinated. I hear Idaho and Louisiana are really nice though. 
