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War Well I thought it was funny!

Probably closer to the truth than we think!

Duffel Blog obtains top secret Russian military files

Russia’s military is apparently as leaky as SCOTUS

 

By Task Force Football Bat

Duffel Blog’s team of investigative journalists has obtained a trove of sensitive Russian military documents that contain everything from Russian battle plans to LOL emojis shared between now-deceased generals. These documents shed light on inside conversations at the highest levels of leadership in the country’s military over the course of the past few months.

Our team of translators has analyzed what appears to be the Russian military’s detailed pre-invasion battle plan — briefed to President Putin as he clung for life to a table. Both the original and our translation are below.

 

Our team also obtained more granular orders, apparently issued at the outset of the country’s latest incursion into a sovereign neighbor. One such order, translated below, gives insight into the Russians’ tactical prowess, which the world has feared for decades.

 

Of course, these early plans did not materialize as successfully as Putin and his team of generals had envisioned. Leaked text messages from a few days into the full-scale invasion begin to tell the tale, while also giving an idea of the deep empathy Russian officers have for the troops they lead.

Messages from the same chat roughly six weeks later give a sense of how the conflict has evolved.

With the conflict persisting longer than hoped, Putin and his team are turning to the country’s robust information operations capability, looking to highlight what they see as key threats in Ukraine to both justify their actions and call on the West to halt its support of the Ukrainians as they defend themselves.

An undated press release cuts to the chase in classic Russian fashion.

Duffel Blog is continuing to analyze and giggle at the large number of documents obtained.

Categories
War Well I thought it was funny!

Probaby more closer than we think!

Duffel Blog obtains top secret Russian military files

Russia’s military is apparently as leaky as SCOTUS

 

By Task Force Football Bat

Duffel Blog’s team of investigative journalists has obtained a trove of sensitive Russian military documents that contain everything from Russian battle plans to LOL emojis shared between now-deceased generals. These documents shed light on inside conversations at the highest levels of leadership in the country’s military over the course of the past few months.

Our team of translators has analyzed what appears to be the Russian military’s detailed pre-invasion battle plan — briefed to President Putin as he clung for life to a table. Both the original and our translation are below.

 

Our team also obtained more granular orders, apparently issued at the outset of the country’s latest incursion into a sovereign neighbor. One such order, translated below, gives insight into the Russians’ tactical prowess, which the world has feared for decades.

 

Of course, these early plans did not materialize as successfully as Putin and his team of generals had envisioned. Leaked text messages from a few days into the full-scale invasion begin to tell the tale, while also giving an idea of the deep empathy Russian officers have for the troops they lead.

Messages from the same chat roughly six weeks later give a sense of how the conflict has evolved.

With the conflict persisting longer than hoped, Putin and his team are turning to the country’s robust information operations capability, looking to highlight what they see as key threats in Ukraine to both justify their actions and call on the West to halt its support of the Ukrainians as they defend themselves.

An undated press release cuts to the chase in classic Russian fashion.

Duffel Blog is continuing to analyze and giggle at the large number of documents obtained.

Categories
Well I thought it was funny!

Moscow: If Ukraine kills 1 more Russian general, next will be free Better than a free foot long!

By W.E. Linde

MOSCOW — In a surprise announcement today, Russia confirmed that the Ukrainian military had taken out a significant number of its generals in battle and promised that if Ukraine kills one more, the next high-ranking officer will be eliminated “entirely free.”

The announcement was made by Adm. Igor Olegovich Kostyukov, head of the Russian General Staff’s Main Intelligence Department (GRU). In a sternly-worded statement aimed primarily at Russian forces that have largely stalled in their invasion of Ukraine, Kostyukov said that what they needed in the face of fierce resistance was a little “aggressive encouragement.”

“To that end,” said Kostyukov, “we promise that if Ukraine successfully kills 12 generals, we’ll give them one more, on the house.”

News of the so-called “Frequent General Kill Klub” sparked a flurry of activity within Russian-held areas of Ukraine, but perhaps not the kind that Moscow had hoped for. A sudden surge of battlefield promotions has been reported, in some cases from Junior Lieutenant to “Acting Maj. Gen.” One patrol was seen digging trenches, with each man wearing the rank of lieutenant general.

“I was just scouring a nearby field looking for wild berries or squirrels for dinner when suddenly a messenger drove up to me,” said Cpl. Anatoly Sokolov, an artillery soldier fighting just north of Crimea. “He said ‘congratulations, Comrade General,’ then gave me a general’s hat. Then he jumped back on his motorcycle and sped off. I noticed he had a large sack of general’s hats on his back. I guess he has a lot of promotions to give out.”

There was some hesitancy reported in participating in the General Kill Klub on the Ukrainian side.

“We sort of feel guilty,” said Oleksiy Reznikov, Ukraine’s Minister of Defense, “like we’re taking advantage of yet another horribly bad Russian decision. But a good deal is a good deal.”

Adm. Kostyukov cautioned that “deals like this won’t last long,” but also gave a preview of Russia’s next motivational promotion, “two dead colonels for every one Ukraine kills.”

“Sooner or later,” said Kostyukov, “we’ll motivate our forces to victory.”

W.E. Linde (aka Major Crunch) writes a lot. Former military intelligence officer, amateur historian, blogger/writer at DamperThree.com. Strives to be a satirist, but probably just sarcastic.

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Well I thought it was funny!

Time to start talking to a Lawyer!

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Some Red Hot Gospel there!

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All About Guns Well I thought it was funny!

Selling A Gun At The Pawnshop | Sanford and Son

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War Well I thought it was funny!

Ukrainian farmer makes off with entire Russian Victory Day Parade Chin up, at least the tanks are moving. (Its the Duffel Blog again!)

By W.E. Linde

MOSCOW — In the latest of a string of high-profile humiliations for the Russian military, a Ukrainian farmer was able to connect every single military vehicle participating in the country’s venerable Victory Day parade to his tractor and drag them back to Ukraine.

Petro Bonderenko, 53, a wheat and barley farmer from the village of Grushevka, appeared shortly after the parade began at 10 a.m., and somehow tied a chain that linked the approximately 200 military vehicles participating in this year’s event to his 210 horsepower John Deere tractor. Within 30 minutes, a confused silence had settled on Red Square, which was then completely devoid of any military armor or weapons.

How did he even get there?” asked a visibly flummoxed Gen. Valery Gerasimov, Chief of the Russian General Staff. “I was standing there in the reviewing stand saluting and suddenly saw some grizzled civilian in a crappy little tractor was in front of the procession, waving at me and President Putin.”

The “battlefield acquisition” became obvious to most when Bondarenko’s tractor made a sharp U-turn in front of Red Square, pulling the entire parade along behind him.

Sources indicate that although Putin was upset at the humiliating spectacle and initially demanded to know what was happening, his senior intelligence officials assured him that the parade was proceeding according to plan. Sufficiently reassured, Putin saluted Bonderenko as the farmer returned a one-finger salute.

David McSally, an analyst at Center for Strategic and International Studies, was not surprised that Bonderenko’s mission was successful.

“The Russians don’t trust their lower echelon troops, and so command and control is highly concentrated with senior leadership,” he explained. “So when no orders came down to stop this farmer, the troops in the vehicles just stayed along for the ride.”

“There’s also the likelihood that a lot of them were happy to go,” McSally added.

With the vehicle heist complete, talk has started about whether there will be consequences in the General Staff for letting Bonderenko get away.

“I don’t think President Putin is too mad,” Gerasimov said, sweating like he had just finished leveling an entire Ukrainian village by himself. “After all, he’s invited me to discuss this over tea later this afternoon.” He then fell to the ground, sobbing.

W.E. Linde (aka Major Crunch) writes a lot. Former military intelligence officer, amateur historian, blogger/writer at DamperThree.com. Strives to be a satirist, but probably just sarcastic.  Twitter @welinde

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Well I thought it was funny!

We are amused by this!

image

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Well I thought it was funny!

That one guy at the Range that you worry about when seeing him!

Light machine guns - Meme by Nuuba :) Memedroid

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All About Guns Well I thought it was funny!

What most guys think about themselves at the range

sfemotions