Category: Cops
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The Problem with “Anchor Shots”
Street in El Paso, Texas, 1888
The El Paso Gunfight, sometimes referred to as the “Four Dead in Five Seconds Gunfight” or the “Battle of Keating’s Saloon,” occurred on April 14, 1881. The whole affair began when the Manning Brothers had stolen a herd of about 30 head of cattle in Mexico and drove them into Texas to sell. When Texas Ranger Ed Fitch and two Mexican farmhands named Sanchez and Juarique investigated, the two Mexican men were killed. This led to a Mexican posse of more than 75 men crossing into Texas seeking an investigation.
At the request of the Mexican posse, Gus Krempkau, an El Paso constable, accompanied the posse to the ranch of Johnny Hale, a local ranch owner, and known cattle rustler. There, they found the bodies of the two Mexican farmhands. The El Paso Court soon held an inquest into the deaths of the two men, with Krempkau acting as an interpreter.
Dallas Stoudemire
Afterward, Constable Krempkau went next door to Keating’s Saloon, one of the worst pestholes in El Paso, Texas. A confrontation erupted between Krempkau and ex-City Marshal George Campbell, a friend of John Hale’s. Also in the saloon was Hale himself, who was unarmed, heavily intoxicated, and also upset with Krempkau due to his involvement in the investigation. Suddenly, the drunken Hale pulled one of Campbell’s two pistols, shouting, “George, I’ve got you covered!” Hale then shot Krempkau, who fell wounded against the saloon door. Realizing what he had done, Hale ran behind a post in front of the saloon just as Marshal Dallas Stoudenmire appeared with his pistols raised. Stoudenmire then shot once, but the bullet went wild, hitting an innocent Mexican bystander. When Hale peeked out from behind the post, Stoudenmire fired again, hitting Hale between his eyes and killing him instantly.
In the meantime, when Campbell saw Hale go down, he exited the saloon, waving his gun and yelling, “Gentlemen, this is not my fight!” However, the wounded Krempkau disagreed and though down, fired at Campbell, striking him in the wrist and toe. At the same time, Stoudenmire whirled and fired on Campbell, pumping three bullets into his stomach. As Campbell crashed to the dusty street, he shouted, “You s.o.b., you have murdered me!” When the dust cleared, both George Campbell and Constable Kremkau lay dead.
Saloon Gunfight
In less than five seconds in a near comic opera gun battle, four men lay dead. The killers of the two Mexican farmhands were never caught.
Francois Guillemin, a foundry worker in Hamilton Township, N.J., thought it would be a neat idea to make a working replica of a 16th-century artillery piece for the local Fourth of July celebration. On the eve of the big event, authorities said he “stuffed a 2 lb. steel ball the size of a baseball down the gun and fired it.
The 24″ barreled boomer worked! It worked so well, in fact, that the missile flew for over half a mile until it crashed into Harriet Stout’s wood-frame house, blasting into the bathroom, where it smashed a mirror, a toothbrush holder, and the toilet tank cover before rolling to rest under the sink.
Harriet was reportedly not using the bathroom at the time. She is a lucky lady, although she probably missed out on some kind of honors in the Guinness Records book.
Just Do It
Apparently, Alex Coventry’s roommate mused too long and too loudly about bidding adieu to the cruel, cruel world. Coventry handed him a loaded shotgun and told him, “Stop talking about. Just do it.”
Coventry drew four years probation in a Los Angeles court, charged with a rarely-used 19th-century ban on assisting in the commission of a suicide.
Newlywed Bliss
In recent years, it has become traditional in Iran to celebrate the sealing of a young couple’s wedding vows with a burst of automatic rifle fire. In the Lorestan Governate, one such expression of love and joy went sour when a reveler lost control of his machine gun, killing six and wounding 14.
Note: The NRA Firearms Safety Program is not allowed to be taught in schools in Iran … or in the U.S.
Robbers Foiled By Locked Doors
Witnesses had to assume it was an attempted robbery, although it didn’t get very far. The Fort Thomas-Bellevue Bank in Kentucky had been closed for over an hour when a big car pulled up outside. Three armed men wearing masks and matching jogging suits leaped out of the car, ran to the front of the bank, and literally bounced off the locked doors.
Several employees who were still inside said the three looked at each other for a moment, either dazed or very confused, then got back into their car and fled.
Dummy at the Drive-Up
When the cashier at the drive-up window of a burger joint in San Bernardino, Calif., asked the young man what he wanted, he seemed embarrassed and frustrated. Asked again, he finally ordered three cheeseburgers. Asked if he wanted anything else, he blurted out that he had forgotten his note and couldn’t remember what else he wanted. He then hurried away, leaving his burgers on the window counter.
Returning a few minutes later, the customer-turned-suspect proudly produced a holdup note and a handgun. The cashier dutifully turned over $45 in cash, and the elated suspect fled. Again, he left his burgers behind.
Mark Moritz hung up his satirical spurs to a collective sigh of relief from America’s gun writers whom he had lampooned in “Friendly Fire” for two long, painful years. The 10 Ring is written by Commander Gilmore, a retired San Diego police officer who bases his humor, like Mark did, on actual occurrences. All the incidents described by the Commander are true.
